That's what my brain's become since I've been at home. Once upon a time I was an avid reader...I LIVED for books. I could blow through 2 or 3 in a weekend no problem. This was fueled in part by not having cable. And then things changed. The ex lost his house and I somehow convinced him that it was his duty as a good father to transfer his cable and internet service to my house so the kids could use it. But wait, you're not putting your plasma tv in STORAGE are you? I mean that's SO risky...what if the roof leaks? What if rats nest in it? I hear storage is full of roaches and they LOVE electronics! You should let me keep it for you until you're ready to get a new place. He fell for it.
The weekend I came home from having my surgery the cable guy showed up. Nothing's been the same since.
I don't know what makes me feel worse, the pile of stiff smelly laundry that the dog has nested on or the pile of unread books that I'd picked up in anticipation of being home-bound. They watch me move around the house...couch to fridge...couch to bed...where's the damn remote? They mock me for my taste in shows. See, where I loathe trashy romance novels I LOVE a trashy tv show, and sweet mother of crap have I found Valhalla.
Have you ever watched QVC at midnight? It's an absolute train wreck. They are housed back east and are 3 hours ahead of us here in Cali. But what's worse is there are women who will stay up because they CANNOT miss Gem Fest! Lordy lordy. I mean who doesn't want the latest design from Quacker Factory? What will your neighbors think when you show up at the church social and your weenies in a blanket aren't in some daisy encrusted contraption? Not only do these women stay up to order....THEY CALL IN TO TALK ON THE AIR!!! I have NEVER in my life heard a grown woman get so excited about a fucking clip-on pony tail. Jesus lord you'd think they'd invented a vibrator that takes the trash out...no no, it's a cocktail ring the size of your head made of a stone no one's EVER heard of!
But alas, that's not even the tip of the iceberg. Last night during an ever recurring bout of insomnia I stumbled across the mother load of trash tv. It was so epically awful that I DVR'd it for future viewing. First off, it's hosted by Tom Arnold. That should have tipped me off right there. I mean the man nailed Roseanne for Pete's sake. *shiver* CMT now has a show called My Big Redneck Wedding. I can hardly contain my excitement. The first episode I watched (I watched a few...I was hooked what can I say) had a 300 pound bride and a 105 pound groom. Yes you read that right. She was 6-foot and he was 5-foot 6 or so. She tossed him around like godzilla at a red-tag sale. He went squirrel hunting the morning of their nuptuals to make sure there'd be enough food at the reception.....Which by the way had mud-wrestling and a boxing ring, and that's just for starters. The 2nd episode had a bride who made her boquet out of horse shit. Literally, horse turds. At least she painted them red.
This is what I've been reduced to. My life used to be run by a grueling schedule of work and kids. Now I'm controlled by whatever the tv gods bestow on me.
Time to go stock up on munchies, there's a special on tonight about a Small Town Gay Bar...it's about one of the few gay bars in Mississippi. Yay!
The weekend I came home from having my surgery the cable guy showed up. Nothing's been the same since.
I don't know what makes me feel worse, the pile of stiff smelly laundry that the dog has nested on or the pile of unread books that I'd picked up in anticipation of being home-bound. They watch me move around the house...couch to fridge...couch to bed...where's the damn remote? They mock me for my taste in shows. See, where I loathe trashy romance novels I LOVE a trashy tv show, and sweet mother of crap have I found Valhalla.
Have you ever watched QVC at midnight? It's an absolute train wreck. They are housed back east and are 3 hours ahead of us here in Cali. But what's worse is there are women who will stay up because they CANNOT miss Gem Fest! Lordy lordy. I mean who doesn't want the latest design from Quacker Factory? What will your neighbors think when you show up at the church social and your weenies in a blanket aren't in some daisy encrusted contraption? Not only do these women stay up to order....THEY CALL IN TO TALK ON THE AIR!!! I have NEVER in my life heard a grown woman get so excited about a fucking clip-on pony tail. Jesus lord you'd think they'd invented a vibrator that takes the trash out...no no, it's a cocktail ring the size of your head made of a stone no one's EVER heard of!
But alas, that's not even the tip of the iceberg. Last night during an ever recurring bout of insomnia I stumbled across the mother load of trash tv. It was so epically awful that I DVR'd it for future viewing. First off, it's hosted by Tom Arnold. That should have tipped me off right there. I mean the man nailed Roseanne for Pete's sake. *shiver* CMT now has a show called My Big Redneck Wedding. I can hardly contain my excitement. The first episode I watched (I watched a few...I was hooked what can I say) had a 300 pound bride and a 105 pound groom. Yes you read that right. She was 6-foot and he was 5-foot 6 or so. She tossed him around like godzilla at a red-tag sale. He went squirrel hunting the morning of their nuptuals to make sure there'd be enough food at the reception.....Which by the way had mud-wrestling and a boxing ring, and that's just for starters. The 2nd episode had a bride who made her boquet out of horse shit. Literally, horse turds. At least she painted them red.
This is what I've been reduced to. My life used to be run by a grueling schedule of work and kids. Now I'm controlled by whatever the tv gods bestow on me.
Time to go stock up on munchies, there's a special on tonight about a Small Town Gay Bar...it's about one of the few gay bars in Mississippi. Yay!
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